How to deal with erectile dysfunction in a relationship

If you have ED, it is not unusual for it to impact your sexual relationships or ability to make new connections.

Studies have shown that ED can impact your confidence and self-esteem which can also affect your relationships. Some men report “not feeling like a man” or that “they were letting their partners down”. These feelings can be distressing and lead to mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression.¹

You may find it difficult to discuss your feelings about ED and your relationships with those closest to you. If you find sharing difficult, you may prefer talking to your GP or a counsellor. There are ways that a GP can help you to improve your symptoms of ED.

If you are a partner of someone with ED, you may find that it affects the way you feel about yourself and your relationship. The situation might make you feel less confident or impact your body image. It’s important to try and maintain open lines of communication with your partner.

It is understandable to feel as though your partner may no longer be attracted to you, but ED has many different triggers. Your partner’s ED symptoms may be a result of a physical condition or challenges with their mental wellbeing.

If you can, be supportive and seek relationship counselling if it is accessible to you.

A lot of the feelings that men experience when they have ED, such as frustration, anger or disappointment, are often the same for all men. But if you’re gay or bisexual, or a man who has sex with men, you may have additional thoughts or concerns about how ED may affect you.

You can always talk to your GP or another health professional about ED.

All health professionals are trained in sensitivity and equality so should provide the same care and support to everyone, regardless of your sexuality.

Talking about ED can be difficult for some people. They might not feel comfortable talking to a health professional, such as their GP or a pharmacist, about problems relating to their sex life.²

It can also be difficult for some people to talk about ED with their partner, even if you are very close or have been together for a long time. Try to remember that everyone deals with things differently.²

Your partner may feel worried or embarrassed about bringing up the subject of ED with you, so initiating a conversation and talking things through might be a relief for you both.

Try to find a time and place that is right for both of you to talk. You could let them know that erection problems are very common and there are several reasons why they may be experiencing ED. It may also help to reassure them that there is support available to improve symptoms of ED.²

Some people find it helpful to talk to a professional about how they feel. If you are worried about your partner’s ED, they can talk to their GP, who can discuss treatment options with them. This might include referral to a counsellor or psychologist if you would like to talk to someone about what you are going through.

Psychologists and counsellors are professionals who are trained to listen and provide coping mechanisms for things you may be struggling with. Some psychologist and counselling sessions also welcome partners too, so you can both have a safe space to talk about how you feel.

There are also different types of medication your partner can use to help keep and maintain an erection. It includes medication such as Sildenafil or Tadalafil.

If you have ED, you should still be able to conceive a child. Taking medicines for ED shouldn’t affect fertility either.³ This means that you and your partner should still be able to have children naturally.

If you are worried about your or your partner’s fertility, you can talk to your GP. They may be able to refer you both to a fertility specialist. They are health professionals who specialise in helping people to have children. The NHS website also has some information about fertility services.

If your partner has erection problems, it may affect how you think and feel about sex.^4,5

If your partner has ED, it is not unusual for it to impact you as well. Some common ways ED may impact you include having less desire for sex (libido) or you may find sex less enjoyable.⁶

Remember, ED doesn’t always mean that your partner isn’t attracted to you. There are many reasons why someone may be experiencing ED.

If you feel like you have been impacted by ED in your relationship, you can always talk to a professional about it.

Remember that there are other ways to feel close and intimate with your partner. Some couples may find that having these types of health problems can bring them closer together.⁷ Talking about things together and being honest about how you feel may help.

You can also talk to your own GP about how you’re feeling. They may suggest you talk to a counsellor or psychologist, either on your own or with your partner. Your GP can refer you to a psychologist or counsellor, or you can refer yourself on the NHS website.