Your weight loss could change your relationship dynamic
If you’ve chosen to lose weight for your health and wellbeing, it can mark a positive step in your life. But could it change the way that you and your partner interact? We outline the positive changes and potential conflicts you might notice.
Published: November 2024
Review date: November 2027
Making the choice to lose weight is always personal. Your reasons might be different to someone else’s, but deciding to put the effort into lowering your BMI will have benefits for your health if you are overweight.1
Understanding how these changes could affect your relationship with your partner might be something you’re concerned about. Even though you might have made the decision to change your lifestyle, knowing that your partner is supportive and willing to make healthier choices too may be something that you have thought about.1
It can be difficult to navigate uncomfortable conversations. If you’ve noticed that your partner hasn’t been supportive of your weight loss or has made negative comments about your progress or efforts, addressing them can help you get on the same page and resolve any negative thoughts or emotions either of you might be having.
We break down some of the ways your relationship dynamic might change as a result of your new weight loss journey. We also share tips on how you can have productive conversations about your feelings.
Talking about your intentions to lose weight early on can help set the tone for how you and your partner navigate this new chapter in your life.
Take time to discuss the reasons for your weight loss and the rules and boundaries you might want to put in place.2 For example, if you want to stick to a healthy diet, you may find it challenging to see your partner regularly have sweet treats and desserts. If they do want to continue to indulge in these types of foods, that’s okay. They shouldn’t feel criticised for their choices, and you shouldn’t feel like they are judging you for yours.
If you both understand the reasons why you’re making certain lifestyle choices, it can help you avoid arguments in the future.
Body image is the way you think about your body. If you’ve struggled with the way that you feel about yourself in the past, then embarking on a weight loss journey can make you feel vulnerable.
Though it can be difficult, talking to your partner about these feelings can help both of you speak about each other in positive, uplifting ways. Asking them to avoid criticism and to provide encouragement when they can could help boost your self-esteem.3
Although weight loss can come with highs and lows, there are lots of positives that you can enjoy with your partner. If one or both of you intend to lose weight, you can spend time planning your goals together, doing sports and cooking with each other.
Trying new activities together can improve the feeling of relationship satisfaction and security.4
We are all unique. This means that if you and your partner are both on weight loss journeys, you might notice that one of you loses weight faster than the other. This isn’t a reflection of how much effort you are putting into your weight loss.
Stay consistent with your exercise and diet (and if you’re using it, your medicated weight loss treatment). You should track your own progress, celebrate the milestones you reach and remember that neither of you can control the rate that you lose weight.
If you have negative feelings about your ability to lose weight when compared to your partner acknowledge them but try to focus on yourself.
Addressing potential conflicts
Arguments in romantic relationships are not unusual. In most personal relationships, disagreements happen. It’s important to know how to fight fairly and have productive conversations when you clash with your partner about your feelings on weight management. Here are our tips.
- Create an environment for open communication. You and your partner should feel comfortable to start and engage in conversation. Regularly checking in with your partner, actively listening and giving them as much time as they need to talk about sensitive issues are ways that you can encourage a safe space.5
- Speak respectfully about yourself and each other. Even if you are not confident in yourself, speaking about yourself with respect is important. It can help improve your self-esteem, strengthen your sense of dignity and help you establish boundaries. When your limits for how you would like to be spoken to and about are in place, this can help your partner avoid using certain phrases or language when talking to you.
- Listen to understand, not to respond. Actively listening or allowing your partner to feel heard and understood in a discussion can help you avoid long, drawn-out arguments. If they can sense that you are listening to understand rather than to react, they may feel more comfortable being vulnerable with you and share their thoughts.2,5
- Step away from the conversation if you need to. Even though you and your partner may be trying your best to have a calm and meaningful discussion about something you disagree on, there may be times when you feel overwhelmed or too upset or angry to continue it. It’s okay to take a break and revisit the conversation when you feel better or more able to express yourself.
- Ask questions for better understanding. Sometimes, it might not be clear to you why your partner has certain feelings. By asking open-ended questions your partner may find it easier to express their feeling about their body image, weight loss challenges and successes.5 For example, instead of asking your partner why they aren’t going to the gym, you could ask them about the weight loss strategies they’ve tried that they enjoy. You could try, “What works best for you? And why”.
- Set rules and reset. Deciding how you and your partner will navigate arguments before you have them can help maintain a respectful environment. You might both agree that degrading language, shouting or stonewalling (shutting down and ignoring your partner) shouldn’t be features of your conversations. If you slip don’t follow the rules you’ve set, take the time to apologise and think about how both of you might do things differently next time.2
- Weight Loss Not Always Beneficial for Romantic Relationships. College of Humanities and Social Sciences. Accessed November 21, 2024. https://chass.ncsu.edu/news/2013/11/04/weight-loss-not-always-beneficial-for-romantic-relationships/
- Fair Fighting Rules.
- Berge JM, Pratt K, Miller L. Weight Conversations in Romantic Relationships: What Do They Sound Like and How Do Partners Respond? Fam Syst Health J Collab Fam Healthc. 2016;34(3):213-220. doi:10.1037/fsh0000223
- Cortes K, Britton E, Holmes JG, Scholer AA. Our adventures make me feel secure: Novel activities boost relationship satisfaction through felt security. J Exp Soc Psychol. 2020;89:103992. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2020.103992
- Canevello A, Crocker J. Creating Good Relationships: Responsiveness, Relationship Quality, and Interpersonal Goals. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2010;99(1):78-106. doi:10.1037/a0018186