Are your family dynamics influencing your weight?

The habits and behaviours you have around food may have largely been shaped by your parents and carers. From your childhood, they will have played an important role in your early experiences with food and what you think acceptable ways of eating are.

For example, if your parents or carers used sugary foods as rewards during your early years, you may have carried this habit with you into adulthood. This is because you developed a positive association with unhealthy foods, viewing them as incentives for achievements.¹

The portion sizes you were and are given can also affect your eating habits. Both adults and children tend to eat more food if they are served large portions.²

Even if you think that the eating habits your parents encouraged during your childhood are influencing your behaviour now, there are ways you can change. Making a conscious effort to plan your meals, control your portion sizes and cut down on the amount of processed food you eat can help break your established patterns.

If you live with your family or regularly eat meals with them. It might help to have a conversation about the ways you plan to change your diet. They may want to join in or find ways of accommodating you.

Starting the conversation might feel difficult. To help you clearly explain what you want from them, you can:

• Plan the conversation. Write down all the things you want to say and why they matter to you. You can refer to your notes so you don’t miss anything out.
• Avoid assigning blame. Everyone has a different relationship with their health. This also includes the way that they think about food. Though your caregivers might have introduced you to unhealthy eating habits, remember that they may have done so because of a lack of resources or understanding about diet. Use your conversation as an opportunity to get them to learn more about healthy eating.
• Choose a neutral time to talk. Finding the right time to bring up your new approach to eating is crucial. If you can, start the conversation when tensions aren’t running high, you may find that your family are more willing to listen to your requests about your meals. You might also find it useful to arrange a time for the conversation.
• Remember that making a change is their choice. You can’t force anybody to join in eating healthier foods. Although it could have benefits for them and help keep you motivated, they don’t have to do anything that they’re not ready to do. Sticking to your meal plans and making a consistent effort may convince them to adopt better food-related habits in the future.

The environment you grew up in could have affected your self-esteem. If you felt criticised, labelled or called names, or shown images of beauty that didn’t reflect the way you looked, this may have impacted the way you feel about yourself.

These actions could have caused you to withdraw from others and think negatively about yourself.

Although your family may influence the way you feel, it’s important to acknowledge the internalised thoughts you have about your self-worth and appearance.

Do you struggle with your body image? Do you speak about yourself negatively?

Notice when your thoughts are becoming negative and challenge them. To do this:

• Ask yourself what evidence you have for your feelings
• Consider what you’d tell a friend if they thought the way you do
• Decide whether there are different ways to think about your body. For example, if you’re taking a medicine that’s affecting your weight, instead of focusing on weight gain, think about the benefits of taking it for your health.³

It may take some time to change your patterns of thought but it can help you feel better about yourself and make it easier for you to set boundaries about weight and body image over time.

Be clear about how you feel. It’s okay to let people know that you’re trying to establish a new relationship with yourself and as a result the people around you. If you accept your body now and as it changes, others should too. They should also avoid sharing their opinions both negative and seemingly positive on the way that you look. For example, it might not be useful for someone to tell you that you look good after losing weight.

Ask for change. If you’ve noticed that weight is a common topic of conversation in your family, request to talk about other things. You can let them know that you don’t enjoy participating in these types of discussions and suggest some more positive topics for you to cover.

Give your loved ones the time and space for growth. Not every negative comment is ill-intentioned. Even when your boundaries are crossed, remember to be respectful and kind when explaining how and why this affected you. This will them learn better ways of talking to you and could help in reshaping their ideas about weight and weight management.